The start ...

Well its been 10 weeks since the miscarriage and things have been very up and down.

I made it back to work after 4 weeks and everything seemed fine for the next 4 weeks. Then I had issues with coping. I wasn't sleeping well. Having terrible dreams and even worse flashbacks. I saw the GP and got signed off.

That was just over 2 weeks ago and I've been signed off for another two weeks.

Things are still very up and down. I'm ok most of the time. I'm even better when I'm at home with the dogs, not needing to speak to anyone face to face. I know, however, this isn't normal. Or healthy. One minute I think I would be ok for work. I know its short staffed and I worry about that. However, for once, I need to concentrate on me. I know I need to make changes. I know there are no magic answers or solutions and the road wont be easy but I'm taking it a step at a time.

So here are a few "highlights" of what I've done...

• I've been trying to get out in the fresh air more often. Most of the time this is done by walking the dogs (my gorgeous Dachshunds, Dougal and Molly). I've extended our normal route, currently walking a 4k route due to the point below.
• Signed up for the British 10k in London - in 82 days .... For those of you who know me will understand what a HUGE thing this is. Also it has to be done in 2 hours so there is another challenge. I am planning on fund raising for TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Birth Association) in memory of our little girls. Its taking place on the 14th July - the day before they were due, which I am sure will be emotional.
• Due to the above I've signed up for the gym today ...
• I start counselling tomorrow - arranged by myself as the local facilities seem a bit lacking.
• I've found the most incredible support from the TAMBA bereavement group and Southampton SANDS ladies on Facebook. Its incredible to have the support of people who have been through the same thing. To know that the feelings of utter desolation and disappointment you're going through are all normal. As someone said "Welcome to the club no one wants to be a part of".
• Spoke to the people at the Tattoo shop as I'm planning on getting one done to commerate our girls - just have no idea what so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know...
• Paul and I have started weight watchers - actually properly started it. Paul is doing incredibly well. I'm so proud of him and it makes things much easier. From the beginning I've lost almost 17lbs and weight slightly less than when I started the IVF treatment.
• And I've started to write lots of blogs but not finished any (other than this one) but I plan to do a lot better, thanks to the gentle 'encouragement' from my friend Emma...

So I hope to make some more blog entries to keep anyone and everyone who is interested up to date. On top of that I think it will do *me* good to write things down.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring me for the London 10k I'd be eternally grateful and can be done on the link below. Please click gift aid if possible

Thanks again and lots of love

Lou
xx

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/louiseburton