When music hits you ...

Do you ever find that for the first time you 'hear' a song ? No matter how many times you've listened to it before suddenly, for some reason, the words pop out as if you were meant to be hearing them right there and then.

This happened to me again today.

As many of you know I love burlesque. There is also the movie 'Burlesque'. It isn't what I class as proper burlesque, its unlikely to win any major awards, but the sound track is amazing and its one of my guilty pleasure.

Cher has the most incredible ballad which shows off her pipes to their best. Its very moving (I think atleast). Or perhaps its just the mood I'm in. As a disclaimer I would like to say that I was on the way back from the gym having taken my first step...

Regardless it sums things up how I'm feeling *right now* and will hopefully provide some inspiration for the coming days. (Please excuse the American 'gonnas')

Feeling broken

Barely holding on

But just there's something so strong

Somewhere inside me.

 

And I am down, but I'll get up again.

Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it.

I'll be back - Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me.

You haven't seen the last of me.

They can say that I won't stay around

But I'm gonna stand my ground

You're not gonna stop me.

You don't know me, you don't know who I am.

Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking,

But I can take it

I'll be back - Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me.

There will be no fade-out

This is not the end

I'm down now, but I'll be standing tall again.

Times are hard but I was built tough.

I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of.

The first step ...

 

Well today was my first gym induction where I had an over view of all the equipment. I've another one tomorrow where I actually get my work out. Its incredible how advanced the equipment is (on the treadmill I can set it to climb Mount Kilimanjaro ...). Every piece has an iPod/iPhone dock, you can watch tv (lots of choice) and once you've completed that station you can down load the info onto a USB stick..

 

Another thing today did show me, other than the equipment obviously, is how far I've got to go. Apparently the average time for the race for a female is 1hour 6mins. Due to the rules I need to finish it within 2hours. Obviously Id like to do it quicker than that.

 

Today was also my first counselling session with the lovely Ruth at the IVF clinic. I knew I shouldn't have bothered putting mascara on. It was nice to talk about things with someone who deals with this all the time. I think it was a positive step forward.

Its been an emotional day. It may be a baby step but its in the right direction.

Night all x

 

The start ...

Well its been 10 weeks since the miscarriage and things have been very up and down.

I made it back to work after 4 weeks and everything seemed fine for the next 4 weeks. Then I had issues with coping. I wasn't sleeping well. Having terrible dreams and even worse flashbacks. I saw the GP and got signed off.

That was just over 2 weeks ago and I've been signed off for another two weeks.

Things are still very up and down. I'm ok most of the time. I'm even better when I'm at home with the dogs, not needing to speak to anyone face to face. I know, however, this isn't normal. Or healthy. One minute I think I would be ok for work. I know its short staffed and I worry about that. However, for once, I need to concentrate on me. I know I need to make changes. I know there are no magic answers or solutions and the road wont be easy but I'm taking it a step at a time.

So here are a few "highlights" of what I've done...

• I've been trying to get out in the fresh air more often. Most of the time this is done by walking the dogs (my gorgeous Dachshunds, Dougal and Molly). I've extended our normal route, currently walking a 4k route due to the point below.
• Signed up for the British 10k in London - in 82 days .... For those of you who know me will understand what a HUGE thing this is. Also it has to be done in 2 hours so there is another challenge. I am planning on fund raising for TAMBA (Twins and Multiple Birth Association) in memory of our little girls. Its taking place on the 14th July - the day before they were due, which I am sure will be emotional.
• Due to the above I've signed up for the gym today ...
• I start counselling tomorrow - arranged by myself as the local facilities seem a bit lacking.
• I've found the most incredible support from the TAMBA bereavement group and Southampton SANDS ladies on Facebook. Its incredible to have the support of people who have been through the same thing. To know that the feelings of utter desolation and disappointment you're going through are all normal. As someone said "Welcome to the club no one wants to be a part of".
• Spoke to the people at the Tattoo shop as I'm planning on getting one done to commerate our girls - just have no idea what so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know...
• Paul and I have started weight watchers - actually properly started it. Paul is doing incredibly well. I'm so proud of him and it makes things much easier. From the beginning I've lost almost 17lbs and weight slightly less than when I started the IVF treatment.
• And I've started to write lots of blogs but not finished any (other than this one) but I plan to do a lot better, thanks to the gentle 'encouragement' from my friend Emma...

So I hope to make some more blog entries to keep anyone and everyone who is interested up to date. On top of that I think it will do *me* good to write things down.

If anyone is interested in sponsoring me for the London 10k I'd be eternally grateful and can be done on the link below. Please click gift aid if possible

Thanks again and lots of love

Lou
xx

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/louiseburton